I don't believe in gender roles, in fact I asked my boyfriend out.
However, my boyfriend is very traditional. And, he's been very adamant in the past that he would say no if I proposed to him and he would love to see me take his last name. That last one is strange for me since I'm Korean and none of the women in my family have EVER done that. But, he's also Korean and his mom took his dad's name.
I proposed to my fiancé first, on leap year day. He wasn’t happy because he wanted to do the proposal so he said yes but then he made me wait so he could do it. I think I posted about it in another thread.
Gender roles: I’m the main breadwinner, he currently stays at home and does the house work. I drive, he doesn’t. He is better with the diy jobs, he cooks, he cleans and he irons. He helps with childcare (he will be my son’s step father).
I don’t think I will change my name again. I went back to my maiden name officially this year although I have been using it for 7 years. His name sounds strange with mine, can’t get used to it. Will have to see.
If I like someone, I'll let him know, and shall not hold back from making the first move.
While I am somewhat traditional and would love a romantic proposal and a private but romantic wedding this time, I would in a way propose too. Gender roles are very mixed today anyhow and in our case while OTOH we are both very traditional in some ways, in others we are very unconventional, also not young, not first marriage. So I think it depends on the situation. I like the idea of both proposing to each other and I do think that if I get a ring, he should get a gift, which he would probably not want. I also made my own ring already.)
If you asked me this question 20 years ago when I first met my dh I would have said ummm no way for 2 reasons. One because I was NEVER getting married EVER (haha how time changes things). And reason two is because I am more shy that way and would have been afraid to put myself in such a vulnerable position of proposing unless I knew with complete certainty he would have said yes.
However now the answer would be HECK yeah I would if I was crazy in love with the guy and he wasn't proposing to me. However I don't think I would propose unless we had talked about getting married beforehand otherwise you wouldn't know if he was on the same page. And a very wise person once told me never ask a question you don't know the answer to...
And honestly a part of me still would have wanted the guy to get down on one knee and propose in the most romantic way saying beautiful romantic things like it happened IRL for me. But the modern current day me thinks the most important thing is that you are with the love of your life no matter who proposes.
Missy I agree with everything you said above!
Awww...., that´s a huge compliment! You made my day dear friend.
I think if I knew we were both sure and ready, I would be willing to ask. After all, a girl gets impatient. I think what I've mostly seen in my friend groups, though, is that the woman is ready first and the man will say that he wants a little more time to prepare himself. In the end, the reason the men in my friend group are the ones asking is because they're the last one's to decide that they're ready.
I've been married once, been with the person for 25 years, now divorced. For us the big question was, were we going to move to another part of the country together and live together. The marriage part was more of a secondary consideration and happened later. In both cases we discussed it, rather than it being some kind of surprise. So I guess I would say, while I am up for bringing up the subject, I am traditional enough that if there is a marriage proposal involved, the guy does it (and hopefully it is not a complete surprise at that point!).
Sure! Life is too short not to go for what you want. I asked out my husband on our first date, although he was the one to pop the question. We have similar salaries and a good division of household labor and child caring. Neither of us changed our names, although we considered hyphenating.
Old thread bumped up so I will respond with another thought I have.
If I knew then what I know now I would have married Greg four years before I did. He started talking about marriage a year after we started dating. We were at the River Cafe enjoying a romantic meal. He brought up marriage but I almost passed out and excused myself to go to the ladies room. If I had the benefit of hindsight (or just had foresight of what was going to be ) I would have stayed at the table and let him continue.
Or I would have proposed to him myself. Hindsight is good but foresight is better.
No regrets at all. But definitely would not hesitate proposing knowing what I know now about our wonderful marriage.
And of course this is the truth.
I ask every leap year
Still no ring
In theory no, I wouldn't propose to a man. The expectation here is still that the man proposes. Therefore, if he hadn't proposed, it would already be clear to me that he did not want it at that time.
However, I could also see a woman deciding it was time for a relationship to either progress or end. Or wanting to ignore old traditions with misogynistic roots. Or a bunch of other things...
I generally don’t believe in stereotypical gender roles but I don’t quite think I would propose. I’ve been married once and it wasn’t a very romantic proposal. I think part of me still wants that cliche of the man getting down on one knee and saying something loving and sweet.
The practical part of me thinks this is silly though.
I generally don’t believe in stereotypical gender roles but I don’t quite think I would propose. I’ve been married once and it wasn’t a very romantic proposal. I think part of me still wants that cliche of the man getting down on one knee and saying something loving and sweet. The practical part of me thinks this is silly though.
Yeah I'm the same. I don't mind about roles but wouldn't ever propose as I guess would assume he isn't ready to commit else he would have done it by now!
I don’t think I would necessarily mind proposing or think it’s bad or that women shouldn’t do it, but I don’t think I would because I want to see what he comes up with I usually do plan thoughtful surprises for birthdays/anniversaries/just because, because I like doing nice things for him, so it’s not like it isn’t two-sided. It’s not like the proposal will be an absolute surprise (we have discussed getting married, we have a rough timeline in mind), but I’d like to see how well he knows me. It would be special to me.
I’m not big on traditional gender roles, more “everyone do what they want to do, whether that constitutes a part of the traditional gender role or not.” For example, I still usually cook because I’m just the better cook lol. But I also have a great job, not like staying at home.
My mindset still the same, back then and now, I wouldn’t propose to a man. I still think I should not let myself to stay in a relationship for more than 2yrs without marriage in mind after I turned certain age. I just don’t like to waste time for the wrong person. And no man is worth to put myself in agony for years about “is he serious with me?” “Does he love me enough to marry me?” Etc. I think I love myself too much for that. Back then, I did asked my DH where’s this relationship going. I let him know that I’m ready for next step. I’m all into be clear with whatever and no games. I won’t be too prideful/shy to let him know what I feel. But I want him to pull the trigger because I need to know its his initiative that he wants to marry me not because I ask him to. Same like others, I’ll think not proposing means he’s not ready to commit in general or he doesn’t think I’m the one for him. If he’s ready and/or he thinks I’m the one for him he would’ve and should’ve done it.
I didn’t take his last name. He does dishes, laundry and sole financial provider. So we’re still kind of traditional but not too traditional...